Professional Placement: Final Reflections

I think that while my experience of being on placement was very enjoyable, I want to write more about my learning as a whole. While at the schools I felt like I was doing a lot of things that were useful to the project, but I found it hard to pick apart exact learning points from each session that met my enquiry – in fact along the placement process my enquiry became completely blown open and confused. Here I will aim to pinpoint what I have learned in reflection, and figure out exactly what it was that I think I focused on.

For the entire process I have had an interest in film – I spoke around my reasoning for this in my first post. I was very excited to start work on the schools project as I know Murray works with film, particularly as documentation. I was very much the documentor for the groups within the project as I would go around filming each group in the afternoon. I was given no instructions or guidelines as to how to document the groups work, so I ended up filming each group for a short amount of time each day. Usually I would find a space in the classroom where I could observe without becoming involved or getting in the way of the groups. Through documenting their individual processes I learned about facilitiation, which was actually quite refreshing and engaging – the schools project last year was very much a blur, and I was so busy working towards the next goal that I didn’t feel I had any time to reflect. However, taking a step out and watching the groups facilitate, and then watching the footage again later, allowed me to really figure out how I would want to facilitate a group. I was very impressed with the second years and the bond they shared with their groups – they were all very close, clearly engaged with each other and the pupils they were leading, and their presence onstage and their working attitude reflected this well. I realised it was because the second years were meeting the pupils at face value and just being themselves – they were not wasting energy putting up barriers or hiding anything, so they appeared calmer and had more attention to spend on the work and the pupils. This is something I feel I failed to do last year, and would like to explore further should I ever do any directing or facilitation in future – as a facilitator/director you need to lead by example, and so if I was to enter the process being comfortable within myself, then the participants will be encouraged to do the same.

I feel I learned many things about the technical aspects of film, specifically film in performance. Much of my input to the performance itself was tech support. I spent much of my time setting up a live feed for two sections of the performance. This took some fiddling and research on the technical aspects of what was happening, but I am glad I can take this forward for future performance. I was working with an overhead projector which was directly above the performance space; it had a small input on a wall by the computer which would take a video phono cable.

(The video cable is the yellow one. the red and white carry stereo sound signals)

It was easy finding cables that would link up to the projector input, but it can be quite hard finding cables for modern camcorders, such as mine, that will connect to a phono output. This was an easy fix, all I had to do was book out a camera from the AV store that came with a phono cable, but there were complications with booking out cameras on certain days and handing them in early on others. The link itself was very easy to achieve, and I find it hard to reflect on as it was a straightforward process, but it is a bit of knowledge that I feel will be useful in my film practice and I’m glad I managed to figure it out.

I learned other straightforward tech lessons during my time on placement – like using white paper to loosely cover a projector so that it doesn’t distract or make audience members uncomfortable when it’s not being used, making sure to have a tripod if you feel shaky footage is inappropriate to the project you’re working on, and to take all of the footage off of the camera at the end of every day, making sure to back things up and wipe the camera so as to not run out of space during the next session. In short, making sure to prepare everything and to carefully consider everything you do before you do it. Planning and preparation are things that I feel I need to work on in future.

The thing I felt was most relevant to my enquiry is the way I was filming everything and my approach to this. I went into placement wanting to pursue film and develop my practice, but I entered a project where I was documenting rather than just filming. I wrestled for quite a while about the differences and similarities of each. Eventually I came to the conclusion that they both have different intentions; though both have many crossovers film is mostly expressive and experimental, whereas documentation tends to fit a design brief and serve a purpose to the artist or group whose work it is documenting. During the placement process I had several thoughts about personal style; was it correct to impose your own style on documentation if the work being documented is not yours? I had conflicting thoughts about both – so while the documentation is your own work and there is room for you to experiment within that, you are working for another person if you’re documenting their work, and so their needs and aims for the documentation need to be considered also. There’s more of a need for balance in documentation because it’s more of a clear collaboration, whereas in film there can be more creative liberties taken by the filmmaker.

I feel like I have learned quite a lot from my time on placement. While I admit I really struggled finding my feet and kicking off on the project itself, I’m glad I got the opportunity to pick apart quite a few things, and learn about my own individual practice. In future work I intend to open up discussion, asking people from the beginning what they want or need from the work, and I will try to find a way to incorporate my own style and practice while meeting the other persons expectations. I also aim to meet any new project with a greater sense of authenticity; I appreciate when people can just be themselves when working with me, and what better way to encourage that and invoke the same feeling in others than to be myself as well? In short, in future I hope to develop my own film and performance practice through experimenting with my own style and being as authentic as I possibly can.

Week 6: Production Week (Part 2 – PRODUCTION DAY!)

As today was production day, we spent the session mostly doing practice runs and figuring out the final bits of tech that needed sorted; I spent the morning rehearsal thinking through a basic lighting setup as I was unsure if I’d be working the lights or the floor tech during the performances. Now that the film footage and equipment had all been gathered the order of all the things made a lot more sense in my head. I had to do some jumping from one format to the other, but it was all spread out enough that it wasn’t confusing.

        Most of the sources run from the overhead projector; I will have to push the other                                                            one onstage when needed.

I took a run-down of the running order for tech:

(No floor tech for opening sequence. Turn on projector before audience enter and set to Phono output)
Prepare live feed for entrance after crash sequence
– live feed needed for Team Fabulous segment.
(Turn viewfinder so group can see themselves in frame. Remove live feed from stage after TF leave.)
Projector onto stage with time-lapse footage after third group dip
(Aim towards the floor. Avoid peoples eyes. Move back quickly after video is finished.
Source switch to laptop (VGA1) for Energizers advert.
(Make sure video is prepared and laptop is not muted. Switch source back to Phono output after advert is finished.)
‘I Remember’ texts – live feed onstage after first ‘I remember’.
(Same position as TF live feed. Turn viewfinder, move back and offstage after each group has gone.)

Once I had taken down the tech sequence, I discussed with Zac who should take on the tech and who should do the lighting; it was decided that I should keep doing the tech as Zac was totally unfamiliar with the seqeunce, whereas he was more comfortable working out the lights and the cameras recording the performance.

The performance itself went very smoothly; the collective had been highly focused in rehearsal and it showed. I had some minor tech blips in the first performance; I let the time-lapse video run over and so the audience got a sneaky glimpse of Windows Media Player, and I forgot to unmute the laptop so there was some confusion with the Energizers advert. I also left the camera running too long in the final live feed, meaning that the audience looked more to the camera, and that the camera was a little awkward for the audience. However, all of these things were flagged up for the final performance and the final run went much more smoothly.

Always, always, ALWAYS check your volume control before a performance!

I had set up my personal camera to record footage for Zacs promo so he would have an additional angle for film footage. Unfortunately it only recorded a few minutes of the piece before it ran out of memory – I maybe should have moved some of the previous days footage onto my laptop to free up space. Thankfully Zac didn’t mind as long as I gave him the footage that was recorded.

I feel that my final day is not entirely relevant to my enquiry, or at least not enough of it was relevant enough to warrant a full recount. I did some film work, mostly filming the final reflections of each group and taking images of the party after.

I am aware that I am missing a lot of references to my enquiry in my previous blog entries. My final placement post will explain in detail why that is and round up all of my learning points from my placement.

Week 6: Production Week (Part 1)

This week I started off just a little bit shaky; I had to source several things in the morning, mainly two cameras from the AV store – which were essential for the afternoon run – and the time lapse footage. Unfortunately the footage was taking a long time to extract from the internet and the AV store wouldn’t release the cameras until after 12, so I made the decision to work from home in the morning and pull all the resources together before coming in; I thought it made sense not to come in half-prepared.

                         I’ve never used this service until now. Surprisingly useful.

I found some clips from youtube that would fit what Murray was looking for, then downloaded the MP4s from Youtube using Keepvid. I then used the ever-trusty Windows Movie Maker and copy-pasted all of the videos into one longer video, so that all of the videos were on the one file and nothing would get lost on the transfer. While I was editing I was uploading the footage into Youtube as Unlisted videos (So nobody could see them without the link) and sent the link to Murray so that while I was working he could inform me on what he thought needed changed or added to the project.

The handiest software for an amateur filmmaker. Easy and free.

I made sure to email again asking if anything else was needed so that I could pick it up on the way to the school; as a result I grabbed some name tags for the final sequence before I picked up the cameras and tripod.

            It’s quite handy this performance happened in December, otherwise these may                                                              have been harder to find.

I got to the school in time to set everything up for the afternoon runthrough. I hooked up all of the phono cables and couplers – at this point I had three phono cables connected with couplers as well as the RCA cable that came with the AV store’s camera. We checked the length of the cable with all of the extra cables and it was finally at a length we could work with. I then had to get the remote for the projector so we could check if the connection would work. Once I got the remote I made sure it was connected to the video input and waited for it to find the source.

                                                                  A coupler.

It wasn’t working.

At this point I only had a hunch that this method would work. It was the only one that I could think of, and I didn’t have the time or knowledge to think of something else – at this point I had five minutes until the runthrough would start. I started frantically searching for a fault in the cables, checking all of the connectors and making sure they were all fully attached. Then I looked at the camera.

I’d connected the wrong part of the RCA to the cable.

You see, a standard RCA has red, white and yellow connections; yellow carries the video output, whereas white and red are for audio. What I was doing was a bit like trying to plug headphones into a DVD player; you can see why you might think that’d work, but it won’t.

                                       Slowly becoming the bane of my existence.

Once I’d connected the yellow output to the rest of the connectors, the camera finally worked. Relieved was not the word. We did a rough runthrough, in which I was worried about the camera cables coming loose or being trampled mid-walkthrough, but thankfully this didn’t happen. The only errors were in placement of the camera with the pupils; in future runs we’ll be tilting the viewfinder on the camera so the pupils can see if they’re in shot or not.

Thankfully it looks like my sourcing days are finished; while I was glad to be sourcing things it was really time-consuming, and it can be hard to find very specific items in such a short stretch of time. I left all of my tech in the school to save hauling it back to my flat and then again to the school – and to make sure it is all in the building for the performances. I have given Zac Scott one of the RCS cameras so he can document and work on his promo video for the project, so he is taking that home every day to rip footage. I’m really excited to be finally working on the show – though my role has been a bit ambiguous; I’ve been told I’m either doing projections and cameras or I’m on lights. I need to speak to Zac about it tomorrow. Either way I hope it all goes well!

Professional Placement 5: The Day I couldn’t Do Much (Part 2)

Today was partly an experiment; earlier in the week I thought I’d finally figured out how to make the live feed with my camcorder; my camera has no cables that can connect into any of the tech at the school, but it does have a USB port. I ordered a USB RCA cable – one of the ones with the red, white and yellow bits that used to hook into a TV – and a USB connector and brought it in today.

Note my wording; I thought I’d fixed it.

The feed didn’t work, so my sourcing was kind of null. On the plus side, I know that the cameras in the school can make the live feed because we’ve done it before, so I just need to use their camera on Wednesday and Thursday, which shouldn’t be a problem. I was also informed that I would be working with Zac Scott, a recent graduate, who is making a promo video for the performance. He asked me during the production meeting to book out one of the bigger cameras from the AV store – I emailed AV during the lunch break to make sure all of the things could be booked out at once.

                                           I felt genuinely betrayed. Bloody cables.

Because the session was shorter today I spent most of the morning in a production meeting; I still had a lot of things to source, like props from the prop store and the AV equipment, but also some video footage. We needed a time lapse of buildings being constructed – I have been elected to scour youtube and rip some videos, compiling them into a short sequence and loading them into the projector. I will have to find out how to rip videos, but that shouldn’t be too complex.

                  Murray wants these sorts of clips. They shouldn’t be too hard to find.

This afternoon we had a scratch runthrough, which I was asked to record. I felt it was important for me to ask Murray what he wanted me to film, and if he wanted any specific things done – in my past recordings I had zoomed in on certain parts of the action, which may not have been what he was looking for. He asked me just to do a static recording of the runthrough and not to try and catch any one specific thing.

My reaction to this was interesting; I became very frustrated with the recording, and was very reluctant to just leave the camera alone. I thought about this while the run was happening; I believe that I was frustrated for a number of reasons, both personal and practical; I did not control what was happening to the shot, the main focal point was usually not in the centre and the file size would inevitably be larger and so the run would take longer to send online, if it sent at all – I had had issues sending film footage over Dropbox in the past, and I was reluctant to send footage of the pupils over Youtube.

I think I learned a lot today about the difference between making your own film and documenting work; when you’re making a film you have a greater sense of control, because it’s entirely your work and you make all creative decisions. With documentation there’s an element of compromise; you are making a piece of work, but it has to fit the perameters of the people you are working with is mostly influenced by the style of the work it is capturing. In other words, with filmmaking the person with the camera has the final say, whereas in documentation they must be responsive to the artists that are being recorded.

Professional Placement 5: The Bitty One (Part 1)

This session was again focused on figuring out the technical details of the live feed; I’d sourced a 3m extension for the camcorder cable so that the camera could have more reach and not be stuck in the corner. 3m is still not long enough, though, so I will have to figure out how to find even more length.

                         These need to cross a big school hall – 3m is not going to cut it.

I will need to ask Murray for some guidance on how many different cameras and angles he wants for the performance. We’ve spoken about filming the performance and working with a live feed; currently we’re only working with one camera – which is now on a tripod – that provides the live feed. However my filming during documenting is usually at the far end of the hall, past where the live feed camera can go without fiddling with the cables, and the cameras cannot record and show the feed at the same time. I will need to hire out other cameras, I think.

    My camera is an older model than the RCS cameras; not quite right for the live feed.

After the morning session I took part in my first production meeting – the show is now at the stage where we’re mopping up the parts we haven’t sourced and solidifying ideas for aesthetic. Last week we were looking everywhere for boiler suits for all of the participants, but this is not happening because of time constraints, funding and the variety of sizes in the group; it would be really difficult to find one specific style that would fit everyone. Instead, the second years will wear jumpsuits and the participants will be wearing earth colours. There was no sharing this afternoon so I had the job of going around asking about props and noting sizes for costume; I also did some small bits of documentation here and there. I was glad that I managed to find all of the groups this session, and will take note of where they are all based if I am documenting again.

                                              The costumes for the facilitators.

Today felt like lots of little things were happening over a long period of time, but everything is starting to come together. My role today was to tie up all the small pieces and to outline what is needed in order to move forward. It’s interesting because while I was running around a lot and felt like I was only doing small tasks, what I was doing was actually fairly important – had I not been doing the running around and focusing on the small things, the groups and Murray would have to pay less attention on the performance itself and how it is running. Right now I’m in charge of the afterthoughts, the things that don’t feel important but definitely affect the piece.

I hadn’t actually thought about how time-consuming sourcing materials can be. At first I thought it would be really easy, and sometimes it is, but if you’re looking for enough UV paint to cover around 30 people and they only come in 10ml tubes – and you don’t want to go ridiculously over budget – then you’re going to need to know where to look and how to get it quickly. Then you need to actually remember to pack the things for the day you come in. That’s kind of important.

Professional Placement 4: THE SECOND DAY!! (Part 2)

Today was a bit rushed – we had a late start, but I had to return most of my kit to the AV store yesterday, and I was locked IN to my close. So I was about fifteen minutes late overall, and that left me a bit flustered. Thankfully I’d packed my bag last night, and I had my camera and cables so I was ready to do a mock-up of the live feed.

Or so I thought.

The morning session was plagued with technical difficulties – the school’s overhead projector wasn’t working, and they assumed it was broken; there had been a cable pulled out in the wrong place, but I lost a few minutes frantically pushing source buttons on the projector remote, worrying that I’d broken the school’s main projector.

Somebody had pulled out the VGA connection from the laptop. No damage done.

Once we got the projector going I looked for a way to link my camcorder with the laptop connected to the projector – I didn’t have a cable that could connect directly to the projector input. Unfortunately the cables I had that connected to my camcorder wouldn’t connect to the projector, and the one that could connect to the laptop wasn’t for my camcorder. Another brilliant message about knowing your materials; look at all the available tech where you’re working, and all the tech you have on you. If they don’t fit, do some research into what will work. Before Wednesday I will look into finding a cable – or more likely a series of cables – that will fit directly to the projector; I don’t think the laptop can handle the live feed, and adding an external computer would probably just confuse the setup more; best to leave the laptop alone and focus on the video input. I will contact the AV store, because I know they have the right cable – it’s just a matter of seeing if they have any spare, or if they know where I can get one quickly.

                           One of these (Mini HDMI to VGA) might have been ideal.

After the faff with the live feed I spent a few minutes on my phone researching how to make an alternate setup, or at least where to find the right cable – it looks like a Maplins job if I’m lucky. Once the setup was in place Murray asked Matt – our resident musician – and I upstairs for a quick production meeting. We were asked to go and source things and to give a little feedback on how the runthrough from the day before went – I didn’t feel like I could comment, because it was my first viewing and it had felt a little disjointed because it was a broken-up sharing. I didn’t say much, but I agreed with Matt’s comments about one group not quite getting the thing they were looking for – they needed a slight change to the space, and a couple of signifiers, namely a camera and a camera crew. I was asked to come in for their part and really bring the group into the space facing the audience rather than running into the corner towards the camera as they had done yesterday.

I was asked to source a couple more things, namely some boiler suits, UV face/body paint – and also potentially UV fabric paint if I can find it – and a smoke machine, to add a bit of atmosphere. I will contact Gerrie in the AV store about that when I ask about the cables as well. I’m really excited to start working with all of the tech – I’ve been advised to start looking at the lighting rig and figure it all out at some point; I didn’t manage today, but will get on that this week. Murray will be adjusting the lights soon, so I will have a clearer idea of what can happen then. I’m not sure if I’ll be upstairs on the lighting rig or downstairs filming and using the smoke machine – I’ve been talked to about all three, so some running around might be involved! This is a very exciting time – the class are doing a brilliant job making the work, and I get to provide a couple of underscores with the lighting, smoke and camerawork. It will be interesting to see how that complements the work and what changes in the space.

           I need to be on the lookout for lots of this stuff. These tubes are tiny! (10ml)

After lunch I was asked to go around the classrooms taking photos and documenting bits of performance – I managed to take a few photos and a couple of videos of some of the groups, but I really need to find where all of the groups are as there are some I’ve never been in the room with, and I’ve not got a feel for what their parts in the show are yet. I have started recording moments that I find are a strong reflection of the work done in class, but have also taken pieces of individual facilitation – I caught a bit of Hannah by accident, but she was so strong in her leading of the group that I just kept filming; I felt it might be important to watch later on.

I was documenting again in the final sharing, which felt more cohesive today – I made sure I filmed everything I could, and took stills when I saw a particularly striking image, but again I had shaky hands and I often missed things while I was watching; this weekend I’m investing in a tripod, so I don’t have to send any clips with dodgy framing and shaking hands. I’m still not sure if I should be zooming in on parts or images while documenting, but I feel that if an image is strong and I’m drawn to it then why not reflect that in my documentation? Though it doesn’t show everything, and I may be missing something equally important, I think it’s also important to go with my gut instinct and occasionally hone in on what I see as the focal point of the action. It’s something I’ll have to interrogate more as I continue to document – I may ask Murray if there’s anything he specifically wants me to capture or focus on.

                           One of these is essential for effective documentation.

I felt much more focused in the debrief today, and I complemented the class on their facilitation skills – I’ve seen a very high level of leadership and attentiveness from the second years, and it is reflected in the quality of their work and their relationship with their groups. They are a very strong and passionate group, and I look forward to seeing more of their work next week.

This session my role was very much a supporting one – I tried to fix the live feed for one of the groups – while I didn’t manage that, I did film their part in the performance, and it looks really good on camera! I was also capturing bits of the performance for reference – and a few sneaky clips of facilitation – and will be sourcing things for the next couple of sessions. At the risk of sounding arrogant, there’s a lot of responsibility on me this weekend; I have to source as much as I can so we know what we can experiment with, and what I show Murray could have an impact on what we do in the next couple of sessions. A lot is going to change, especially as next session is the week before production week, so I need to do as much as I can to allow the changes to occur with as little fuss as possible.

Professional Placement 4: THE ACTUAL PLACEMENT! (Part 1)

So I got some really good news from my year head this week- one of my previous lecturers could take me on to help out with the second years schools project! I had actually considered contacting him before – he does facilitation and film work, and I was really keen for that – but my flatmate is in second year and I didn’t want to invade his space. It was made clear that we would be working as separately as possible, so that was all ok.

My enquiry was finalised earlier this week; I am learning some basic technical skills for performance, but my enquiry is about the documentation of a process; I am interested in how a performance influences the documentation itself, and also how my knowledge of film will influence my documentation practice.

I was asked to hire out a video camera the day before coming in; this made me really excited, having wanted to look at film from the start of the module. It turns out that this year the schools project is very tech-heavy – mostly projection, with a live camera feed – and some assistance would be required setting everything up and running it throughout the project. My first task was to set up a live feed in the space using one of the three cameras – the big DV camera and my two handycams – and set up another separate projector for one of the groups. This was exciting, if a little nerve-wracking; I had no idea how to make a live feed happen, and I knew from experience that the school has limited technical resources.

The big DV camera looked a bit like this.

I had to switch cameras a few times because of the DV camera didn’t have the cables to run with the school’s setup, but fortunately the handycam I hired out from the AV Store could connect to the schools projector with no bother. I will have to find replacements for tomorrow, however, as the AV store needs everything back by 12 tomorrow and we’re in for 10. We may have to go without, but I will book the kit out again for next week and email the AV store and ask about longer scart cables, as the feed would need to be closer to the actual performance space; currently it’s right in the corner of the space, which doesn’t really work for the show. I will also look into hooking my camera into the laptop in the space; I have the cable for that, but again it is very short.

                             These wee guys are a godsend for any small film job.

After the break I was asked to help one group with filming some short scenes. My role was very much a supportive one; I pointed the camera, counted down and hit record. I did not make decisions on what I filmed or how I filmed it – this made sense given my role in the project; I am there to assist, not to direct, and the second years are being assessed on how they shape the work in the group. I was relieved with how the group worked; they were very clear about what they wanted, both from me and from their performers. The filming went very smoothly – at one point I went for a short walk outside; the group are going to speed up the footage, so the 7 minutes of recording should only last a few seconds. Once I got back I returned the camera and was caught by Mrs Bestow, the class’ teacher. She went over what she knew about the basics of the lighting rig; I have been asked to possibly tech the show, which would mean understanding the lighting rig. Maybe tomorrow at some point when the hall is clear or we are using it then I will try and map out the rig – if we have a written record of which light is controlled by which switch then we can set them more easily. I am slightly worried about the dimmers in the tech booth; they were making a fairly ominous humming noise, and there was an error message on the lighting board when I looked at it. I will take a note of it if I see it again and will investigate further – and possibly look for a way to help if I can.

This is the exact rig we’re working with. I want to figure it out soon.

After lunch I was very much focused on the projections for the afternoon – one group had the extra projector and seemed to have a clear idea for what they wanted and so I left them to it, instead focusing on the groups that needed the live feed and the pre-recorded footage respectively. This afternoon required a fair amount of problem solving; both performances worked perfectly well on their own but there were some issues with file formats; the camera that had been used for the footage was not compatible with any of my cables and the files on the SD card weren’t compatible with my cameras. There was not an SD card reader on the laptop so we had to send in reinforcements; thankfully Mrs Bestow lent us her USB stick so we could play the files without much of a hitch; I had to manually switch the files instead of autoplaying them because the computer could not cope with the size of the files. This was not a massive hindrance and the group performed well – though thankfully they are editing the footage separately; I have offered assistance but as it’s their work I don’t think I should do the editing for them.

                    Maybe an SD card reader would be a good investment for future projects.

The live feed would have went well once I figured out the setup except that I was asked to document the performance as it happened; I tried to record from the camera dedicated to the live feed, which caused the live feed to cut out. Maybe I should have used my other camera, which was sitting behind me unused. I will bear that in mind next time I document this work.

I have some recordings of the sharings this afternoon, which I am in the process of uploading to Dropbox; I am unhappy with the footage. I had a terrible idea to zoom into the space and to occasionally follow the movement, which in hindsight is just really messy and doesn’t work for a performance reference; the audience’s eyes can’t zoom, so the camera shouldn’t either. Also my hands were shaking at this point, and it is very evident when I zoom in; I should really invest in a tripod for my personal handycam to avoid the shaking – and also if I decide to track movement I can make it smoother this way.

We had a lengthy debrief after the P7 class was dismissed; I was at this point really tired and overstimulated, so can’t really remember much of what happened or what was said, but I do remember trying to speak and not being able to make sense until prompted. I do remember making a point about coherence; the groups this year have merged some of their performances, which has made the piece flow really well, and made me think of the group as one large group rather than a selection of smaller ones, which I believe is a good thing because nothing feels out of place.

On the way home today I felt absolutely shattered, and I know that’s because I was so busy; I was on my feet for the majority of today, and I did everything from small tasks like blutacking the plan to the wall, to more essential tasks like making the live feed work. What I find interesting is that none of these jobs seemed unimportant, even though they were not necesarily big tasks; they were all things I was at least vaguely familiar with and were straightforward, but they were all important to the work. Had I not helped with the filming and the projection then at least one group would have had difficulty showing their work, which would mean that nobody could picture exactly how it would look in the space. The group would also have had less time to connect; while one person from the group at a time was being recorded, the others were having a check-in, and they all mentioned they were nervous. This lead to them all wanting to support each other and feeling validated, because everyone was feeling the same way. There may not have been space for that sharing if I had not been helping out.

I’ve realised that I know a lot more about tech than I thought; I can hook up a projector easily and am comfortable with various video outputs, which a lot of people I talked to today were unsure about. I’ve somehow also picked up the habit of automatically looking at the cables provided with an appliance to see what it connects to and how; this is a very important thing that I hope will continue to be useful to me.

Though I’ve only been involved in the Easterhouse project one day so far, I’m really excited to go back tomorrow. Today I felt very useful, and was an important member of the team – I’ve not really felt like that before. It was nice to be recognised by some of the staff as well.

Tony Chestnut is a bloody weird game, though.

Professional Placement 2: The Search Continues

Hi again to my lecturers, past!me and my eight-odd followers – and the four random people who liked my previous post for some reason. You’re more than welcome to read this, obviously, but this must sound really bizarre out of context; just to clarify this isn’t fiction, this is my actual placement blog.

It’s only been four days since my previous post but I want to get in the habit of posting regularly, so Friday sounds like a good shout. This week has been confusing, I feel that I have come out of it with more questions and doubt than anything else. Bear with me, this will seem like a tangent, but I have a point I want to say.

For those who aren’t in the know, I am in the third year of my degree. I’m part of a class that is heavily kinesthetic and movement-based whereas I’m really ‘cerebral’, to borrow a phrase from many lecturers; while I can improvise I like having time to mull. Hell, sometimes I need it if things are really abstract or if I’m having a bad day for focus – with my ADD comes auditory processing failures, meaning sometimes I literally don’t understand what people are saying. (I need to work on a formal diagnosis for that; it’s been confirmed by an educational psychiatrist, so I do have it, but as far as I know no access measures are in place until I get it formalised. I’m getting sidetracked, hang on…)

My issue for the past while has been what seems to be the idea that the brain and body are totally separate. Stick with me, it sounds a bit muddy. What I mean is that for the past couple years I’ve repeatedly heard lecturers and visiting artists talk about people being too ‘in their own heads’ and not listening to their bodies. I’ve been asked to work through things purely with movement and doing; so instead of considering the thing and then doing an informed action, which is my instinct, I have been told to just do stuff, which for me is massively uncomfortable and doesn’t make sense. It’s like being told not to think, which feels really weird when I’m meant to be learning. I don’t always understand what I’m doing in class, and therefore I don’t always attach, so the work is not good – and because there’s nothing to inform the thing I’m doing I can’t analyse it, therefore I never really understand it. However, when I’ve been given time to do something my own way, I feel much more comfortable and from what I understand the work is more well received. Now, I understand that both ways of working are good; there are times where I have been receptive to just doing, and the result has been fairly effective, and of course there have been times where I have thought a thing through a fair bit and it has been awful. It is all context dependent; but because the ‘just do’ method is so pervasive in CPP I’ve never felt like I’ve been in a context where my way of working – even my way of thinking – is valued.

I realise I’ve felt isolated to an extent in my degree – while I feel like it’s good for me to be here and I have absolutely no intention to leave, I am aware that there are ways in which I don’t fit. My influences are very much in modern media and the internet, and I actually know very little about art in general – and I’ll be honest, I don’t get much from a lot of it. I don’t think I am going to be a performance artist after this, or at least I wouldn’t make the kind of art I am pushed towards on this degree.

I think this is why I’m having such a hard time with placement; I’ve only seen one contemporary show I’ve properly attached to, but it would not be possible to have a placement with the artist at this time. I’ve been through several processes which have taught me more about what I don’t want to explore rather than what I do, and I know I would not be compatible with a lot of the artists that are associated with the degree for various reasons – none of which are personal, to clarify, but much of the work I’ve seen has either not engaged me or actively discomforted me, and not in a way which I think would be valuable or even healthy for me to explore.

I was advised this week to research possible placement spaces; I’m aware that film is effectively no longer an option, and I understand that; I contacted everyone I was aware of and heard nothing, which is fairly damning. I do have a module about music videos next trimester, so I still have the chance to explore that another time. Yet scoring out what felt like my biggest option has just made me more anxious; now there is no focus to my search and it all feels much too big again.

Time is really wearing on, but how do I start looking if I have no idea where to go?

Professional Placement 1: False Start

Well this is awkward. Hi.

Erm…

I’ll go again. Hi, this is where my first blog entry should be, but isn’t. It isn’t because of a number of reasons which we both know – unless you’re not one of my lecturers, in which case I will get you up to speed in person if it is relevant. It feels a little strange to begin a professional placement blog with an account of a bereavement.

The main reason that I can’t write about placement – besides the aforementioned elephant in the room – is that I don’t have a placement provider. I don’t have a placement provider because I’ve been quite confused for quite some time. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to make films. I grew up loving the cinema and watching any behind-the-scenes documentaries I could get my hands on. Anything I couldn’t find out about in a documentary I would try and figure out on my own – Roger Rabbit had me stumped for years.

Film kind of took a backseat for a few years after primary school – it wasn’t a viable career option because I was in Moray, and Moray was not exactly renowned for its thriving film industry. The unspoken advice was very much do something you know you can do. I got fairly lucky – I also grew up with a passion for reading. So I read as much as I could, and through that learned about narrative and storytelling. It also doesn’t hurt that I’m a visual thinker – when I read a book, the words eventually fade out and I see the story as an image.

In my teens I went off the idea of being a novelist. My attention span seemed to be at an all time low – I later found out that this was ADD – and I didn’t think I could commit to writing anything. I was, however, really interested in music; at this point it was 2007 and emo music was at its peak. And I was a massive emo. So I spent a lot more time watching the rock music channels in my room – this is where I really got to grips with music videos; of course I’d seen some in my childhood but I had never really focused on them. Ever since then I have been really invested in how music videos are created – another visual thinker trick is I see a music video when I hear certain music. There’s no reason and it’s not dependant on whether I like the song, it just happens. I’m really interested in figuring out how to put the random images in my mind out into the world.

There’s just one problem; I have no idea who to talk to or where to go.

This has been my train of thought since before summer; I know a bit about how film may or may not work, I feel like I’m at least a little informed, but I have never made anything. I know very little beyond watching music videos and feature films – specifically horror film – and I know absolutely nothing about what is going on in Glasgow. I know nothing, in fact, about Scotland’s film industry; in Moray there is no arts funding, never mind any film work, so I have no reference point at all. I think that’s the main reason that I don’t have a placement provider. I have no idea who to talk to.